Roef, the creative watchdawg.
05:30 – Wake up. Have a scratch. Sniff the air, stretch my legs and yawn. I’m hungry. Have a little wash.
05:45 – I can hear the slightest of movement from my human, so I shout a little bit in the hope that he remembers I’m here. I’m bored. If he doesn’t get out of bed soon, I’m going to eat a sneaker he’s left on the floor. He has been warned.
06:00 – Finally, the human is up (and the sneaker is still on one piece), to celebrate I run at him as fast as possible, jump at his bare legs and slide my nails down his shins. I know he likes it because he does a happy dance and sings a little bit.
06:10 – We are off for a walk in the rain, and I quickly find some puddles to jump in. Lots of new smells, and many trees and lampposts to sniff, I think there may have been a cat out here last night – horrible things cats – you can’t trust them. I’m given the eye from a Frenchie I fancy, she has a very nice leash on today… Tomorrow I’m going to make my move and give her butt a good sniffing. Back home and I remember I’ve not pooped. Lay a couple of dog eggs in front of the door. I know my human is pleased because he picks them up in a little bag – I think he must keep them in a box or something, he does it (almost) every time I poop – weird things humans, I can’t really work them out – but this one gives me lots of cuddles and food so what’s not to like?
06:30 – Back inside – wet paws and shiny floors make for awesome slip and slides. Finish my most epic slide with a giant leap on to the sofa to dry my paws while my human makes me a nice breakfast. He goes upstairs and I grab myself a treat off the kitchen counter, I know I shouldn’t but he’s a big softy and it’s just too tempting.
07:00 – Discover my human’s bed is a great way to dry my rain soaked back and his pillow is great for cleaning the sides of my mouth from the meaty mess left behind from breakfast. Must remember this life-hack for tomorrow.
07:20 – I hear my human is looking for his car keys. I know this because he’s shouting at himself – it happens most mornings – he finally finds the keys underneath the big cushion on the chair – I wonder who put them there (smiley face)? I like our morning games of hide-and-seek – today was a quick game, sometimes they go on for ages. Time to grab my favourite toy and head to the office. Not sure which toy to bring so I grab the one that makes the squeaky noise everyone loves.
07:30 – I’m in the car, I like it in here – it’s warm and I get to sit up front. I listen to my favourite tunes – no, not ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’ that’s so 2000 – I love a bit of Snoop Dogg.
08:00 – Arrive at work, a quick sniff and pee in the bushes and I’m ready to greet my colleagues. Find a deep puddle just before going upstairs, and jump in it a few times. I’m good and soggy, just how I like it.
08:30 – Colleagues have been arriving for a while, and I think most people are happy to see me, but I can’t be sure – I make an effort to greet them, but they seem to be backing away – maybe I rolled in something, or perhaps it’s my meaty morning breath? Give a couple of the late comers (you know who you are) a nip on the ankle. Make an effort to be on time tomorrow and avoid my wrath.
09:00 – I’ve done my rounds. Everyone is at their desks and starting to work. I report back to my human that everything is in order. Time to have a nap. It’s exhausting this work thing.
11:00 – I’m awake and it’s time to grab some paper out of the nearest bin, rip it up and ask somebody to take me for a pee.
11:05 – Happy to report its stopped raining, but still lovely and wet outside. A kind human from the office takes me for a walk along a nice muddy path. Lovely. I glance down and it looks like I’m wearing dark brown knee length boots. I look forward to showing them off to the fashionable few in the office.
11:30 – My sexy brown boots were not a big hit. I’m bored. I think I’ll chew my bone for a while and then have a quick nap before lunch.
12:25 – I wake up and notice my human isn’t around, this isn’t unusual as he goes to lots of meetings throughout the day to shout at people. I go and find my second human and she’s very pleased to see me – in fact she’s always pleased to see me – I like her a lot. I’ll make an effort to show her my boots next time, I’ll think she’ll appreciate them.
12:30 – A bunch of colleagues take me out for a walk through the forest. This is one of my favourite things to do, I get to hear the gossip and the rumors. I will report back to my human tonight after dinner – he also loves gossip.
13:00 – A spot of lunch, a nice role around the floor and a bit of a stretch. Time for a well-earned nap.
14:00 – My human is back. I give him a massive welcome and he gives me a special treat. He asks ‘who’s a good boy?’, I know it’s me. It’s always me. I am a good boy. A very good boy.
14:15 – All the excitement of the last 15 minutes has made me need a pee. So, it’s back to my favourite bush followed by a 30-minute chew on my bone and a nap.
16:00 – I’m suddenly woken up by the smell of strangers. Three new people have walked in and everyone is being very friendly to them. Maybe they are also good boys because people are being very nice, giving them hugs and offering them a plate of treats. I go and introduce myself, and show them my favourite bone. One of them is so pleased to meet me that they take a selfie – I ask them to tag me on the post. They go in the meeting room and lock me out. I’m not going to forget this – there’s no I in team.
16:30 – Shhhhh. I’m hiding under a table outside the meeting room.
17:02 – Meeting room door opens and that’s my cue. I’m in and find the nearest ankle.
17:03 – I’m out again and apparently I’m not a good boy anymore.
17:30 – Ignoring my human now. It’s hard because he has puppy eyes. I’m trying not to look at him but can’t resist that cute face and floppy ears. He grabs his keys, I grab my toy and we head to the car. I’m a good boy again.
18:00 – Ahhhhh, it’s good to be home. I do a few quick laps of the house to make sure everything is okay. I find a long-lost toy under the table and eat a few stray crumbs I sniff out from under the bed. My human has been snacking without me. Noted.
18:15 – My human is preparing my dinner. I can smell the delicious meatyness.
18:16 – Finally! I don’t know why it takes so long. I’ve hardly eaten a thing all day and make short work of this chunky goodness.
19:00 – I rather fancy an evening stroll and because we are soooo connected on a spiritual level my human has the exact same idea. Off we go, and I wonder who I’ll meet tonight, could the Frenchie be out? I’m making myself nervous what would I say? Must think of something else – ooooh a squirrel! We bump into a grumpy old dog I see most nights – George. He’s old and probably born before the iPhone 5 was released. I tease him a bit and he swears at me. When I’m 10 there’s no way I’m going to be that miserable.
20:00 – I’m home and it’s time to cuddle up on the sofa and watch a rom-com. My human sometimes leaks water out of his eyes watching these films. The only time that happened to me was when I watched 101 Dalmatians. We share a bowl of snacks.
22:17 – Movie over. Snacks have been eaten. Time for the last pee of the day.
22:30 – Off to bed, favourite toy by my side. Night night. I wonder if I’ll dream of the Frenchie?
